Florida

Homesickness.....

When You'll be far from your home and country it's obvious that one day will you are going to feel sad and want to go home but don't worry. Today during a mass I felt lonely and I started to miss my family and my life in Poland. It's weird that now I miss them the most. I don't have idea who I would be right now if I would never leave Poland but I don't think I would like to know it....

Luckly I have guitar so just after first few chords I'm going back to Poland and feel awesome.....

I think that's why I have this weird dreams about being in Poland and looking for host family or being somewhere with my sisters and mom..... It's like I'm back in Poland but I'll need to go back to America in few days.... That's why I like to dream... When I sleep I'm learning what I truely feel......

PS I'm not Russian and probably some Polish people dislike Russians but this reminds me about Poland because we are all Slavic......

New word....

I just want to say that after yesterday I have new word in my dictionary..... ASHAMED.... because I'm ashamed. I'm becoming someone I've never wanted to be and I'm scared about it......

The past is the past.......

I'm thinking again.... a lot about my past. I'm trying to say to myself that "The Past is IN the Past" but I can't. It's really hard to forget about everything what happend especially when You see pictures other people. I'm between two different words and don't know which choose. America or Poland...Poland or America. Poland - country where I was growing up, where is my family and friends, country where I have most of my memories or maybe America - country where I grow up as an adult, where I'm learning everyday to be independent and I'm trying to find something. Few months ago when I came first time to America I wanted to sing "This is real this is me, I'm exactly where I suposed to be now.....". Then I was a girl who just wanted to sing "I don't know what I want so don't ask me cause I'm still trying figure it out....". Today I know who I want to be, where I want to live but it's so hard to say your family that you don't want to go back. It's not like I don't love them. I really do but I need to live my life and I know that if I'll go back there I won't find work. I have here so many opportunities and I'll find job here, but first I need to find husband..... Now.... Please all of you don't think that I just want to find husband to stay here because it's not the point. If I won't stay here it's like wasn't meant to be....

Ok I'm going back to my topic :P.... I just saw picture of my ex-boyfriend with his new girlfriend. Few days ago I also saw picture of......... with his girlfriend....... I'm just like..... It could be me with them on this photos but I chose different....."I'm gonna find someone someday, Who might actually treat me well. This is a big world, that was a small town...." I just can't stop thinking about it.....

My new little Friend

I know that probably most of You will think that I'm crazy but isn't he cute? This is my new little friend BESO :)..... jajajaja. Si Beso habla espanol. :)...... Ok. Now I'm just joking :) I obtainted him from my friend Maria. She's a very very cheerful and lively girl from Poland that lives in Manhattan. I love to spend time with her and actually this photo was taken by Maria on the Stairs on Times Square.

I need to add that since I have Beso I speal better Spanish :). Miguel, my mexican friend, can admit it.

Gracias Maria :*

Hasta luego Amigos

Thoughtful......

I know that I wasn't writing here for a longer time, but sometimes it's better to think longer than write without any sense..... My life looks nearly everyday the same. Maybe only Saturdays and Sundays look different but it's like a routine. Perk up, take a shower, go upstairs, make breakfast and lunch, eat, help Eden change clothes, take them to school, go to my school, come back home, do what I want or need to do, pick up children from school, eat, do homework, play with them, take them somewhere, eat, watch tv, go downstairs and watch tv or do something, talk with friends and go sleep. The next day everything is the same......

Although this routine can be boring I always try to find something special everyday..... Maybe one guy at school smile to me, or one of my class mate said something funny :) or even my children made something silly..... I just don't want to give up. I want this routine to change into something special.

Yesterday I went to see play "Beyond Therapy". I think it was very very good. It was even better than some movies. I love going to theather, yet I'm worning all of you that I'm not talking about MOVIE THEATHER. I heard during the play very good sentece "It's human to be stupid."

Bruce and Prudence, two main characters, were trying to find someone to be with. It was their therapist idea to do it. I'm not sure if I would write to magazine or newspaper to find love although I have account on one site :P.....
They showed reality with a sense of humor but also kept on a high level. Moreover music between scence was great. I'm diappointed that I didn't write down words from songs because I'd like to listen to them now.

To sup up who didn't see it yet, go and see it's really worth it.

PS Maybe I'm crazy but I already checked one of the actors on the facebook and he's really cute :P but shhhh :D hahaha

You know you love me
x.o.x.o.

Never grow up....

Your little hand's wrapped around my finger
And it's so quiet in the world tonight
You little eyelids flutter cause you're dreaming
So I tuck you in, turn on your favorite night likght
To you everything's funny
You got nothing to regret
I'd give all I have, honey
If you could stay like that

Oh darling, don't you ever grow up
Don't you ever grow up
Just stay this little
Oh darling, don't you ever grow up
Don't you ever grow up
It could stay this simple
I won't let nobody hurt you
Won't let no one break your heart
And no one will desert you
Just try to never grow up
Never grow up

You're in the car on the way to the movies
And you're mortified your mom's dropping you off
At 14, there's just so much you can't do
And you can't wait to move out someday and call your own shots
But don't make her drop you off around the block
Remember that she's getting older too
And don't lose the way that you dace around in your pjs getting ready for school

Oh darling, don't you ever grow up
Don't you ever grow up
Just stay this little
Oh darling, don't you ever grow up
Don't you ever grow up
It could stay this simple
No one's ever burned you
Nothing's ever left you scarred
And ever though you want to
Please try to never grow up

Take pictures in your mind of your childhood room
Memorize what it sounded like when your dad gets home
Remember the footsteps, remember the words said
And all your little brother's favorite songs
I just realized everything I have is someday gonna be gone

So here I am in my new apartment
In a big city, they just dropped me off
It's so much colder than I thought it would be
So I tuck myself in and turn my night light on

Wish I'd never grown up
I wish I'd never grown up

Oh I don't wanna grow up
Wish I'd never grown up
I could still be little
Oh, I don't wanna grow up
Wish I'd never grown up
It could still be simple
Oh darling, don't you ever grow up
Don't you ever grow up
Just stay this little
Oh darling, don't you ever grow up
Don't you ever grow up
It could stay this simple
Won't let nobody hurt you
Won't let no one break your heart
And even though you want to
Please try to never grow up
Oh
Don't you ever grow up
Oh
Never grow up
Just never grow up

"Thank You for everything Mom and Dad. I love You and I wish You are both proud of me...." These are the only words that come to my mind when I hear this song. I just want to cry but I can't beucase I'll miss them more.

I'm the youngest, so my parents were always treating me like a baby, in addition I think they wish I never grown up. Especialy my mom'd like to protect me, so no one could hurt me.

When I'm talking with my fmaily on the skype I look on my old room and check if something has changed.

I remember when I was still in high school and I was doing homework on my bed. I could always say if it's my mom or dad walking up on a staircase. They were laughing about my hearing.....

I maybe don't remember my sisters favorite songs, but I still remember other things that make me laugh.....

Since I'm in the USA I realized that everything I have is nearly gone. I left my whole life behind me when I walked in airplane. My family, friends and even enemies are in Poland, and here I have barely anything.

Sometimes "I wish I never grown up I could still be simple....." but I need to grow up. This was one of the reasons why I came here..... I still sometimes act like a child, but I'm independent. I know what I'm doing and even if not I'm learning on my own mistakes....

I want to say "Thank You" to my parents and my sisters, they helped me to become better person. Thank You also to all of the people who are changing my life right now, I wouldn't be who I'm without all of YOU..... :*